By Robert E. Macdonald

Mayor of Lewiston

One of the most pressing problems facing Lewiston today is a chemical so powerful that just a slight elevation in one’s body causes crazy and destructive behavior.

At this point federal, state and local governments have not invested one penny towards research in order to bring elevated body levels of this chemical down. This failure to act is causing financial and emotional distress among the residents of several Lewiston neighborhoods.

No, I’m not talking about opioids, but a chemical found in abundance in adolescent and often thoughtless young men: testosterone.

This condition rarely manifests itself while young Junior, often his parents’ pride and joy, is kept close to the nest. But once out of Mommy and Daddy’s sphere of control—bah, boom!—the testosterone flows. Junior’s brain suddenly loses the ability to distinguish between right and wrong.

The years of parental domination suddenly explodes throughout the body, changing sweet, polite, cute little boy into explosive, naughty young man, ready and waiting to release his newfound energy on the community.

Research has shown that in order for the testosterone level in the human body to maintain a normal level, the body must receive a sufficient amount of sleep. This is worrisome. Researchers wonder if the hours of study time combined with the hours of Animal House-type behavior clearly goes against what was thought to be the lifestyle needed to sustain a normal testosterone level in the human body.

In order to provide peace and tranquility to the elderly, the working people, the school children and infants residing in these neighborhoods and a successful future for our testosterone-driven college students, a plan must be developed by Lewiston leaders. Perhaps we could look at the following.

First, since they are college students, we could attempt to educate and instill in them the stress they are putting on their neighbors by their unacceptable and childish behavior. At the first sign of naughty behavior, they could be counseled by Bates Dean of Students.

Perhaps they could write a theme addressing the question, “Would you carry on in a similar fashion in the neighborhood that your Mommies and Daddies lived in?” This could then be forwarded to Mom and Dad so they could see what they’re getting for their tuition money.

We could also speak with the owners of these off-campus boarding units and explain to them the stress they are putting on the neighborhood’s longtime residents. These landlords would then be asked to come up with a plan to prevent the immature, childlike behavior being displayed by their tenants.

The bottom line is that both the landlords and the tenants must police themselves so that the hooliganism will come to an end.

In my old neighborhood, we had a saying, “Youse gotta do what youse gotta do, and we (the city) gotta do what we gotta do.”

What is happening in these neighborhoods mirrors what has happened in our downtown, only these are not “gimme” transient people—they are transient affluent people. Both groups are just passing through, having no stake in nor caring about our community. This behavior is devaluing neighborhood properties. Perhaps it is time to institute some draconian policies that will impress upon those responsible how serious this is being taken.

At this point, we have passed a moratorium stopping any additional lodging houses from springing up in the neighborhood for the next six months. This includes:

Stepping up code and fire inspections to make sure the structures are safe and livable;

Re-examining and strengthening our disorderly house ordinance;

Issuing parking permits limiting on-street parking to neighborhood residents only. Non-residential cars will be cited and towed;

Police cracking down on parties, including checking for and citing any underage drinkers and those providing them with alcohol.

Further, notification will be sent to the arrested or cited person’s local home newspaper detailing their arrest.

Youse gotta do what youse gotta do, and we gotta do what we gotta do.

Congratulations to the repeating Class A Champion Lewiston Boys Hockey Team for their impressive win over Falmouth. Thank you for your hard work on the ice and reinforcing that, “Lewiston is a city of champions.”